who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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