tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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