Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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