I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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