I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
