sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
