I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
