SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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