Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
