Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
