I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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