So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My vagina is officially offended.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
did i just pee glitter
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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