someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just cut my nipple shaving
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
