the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
