I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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