I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
