Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
