Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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