none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
