1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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