I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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