I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
