My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
