Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
