I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm gonna fight the coyote
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