Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
