i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just want nice things and good sex
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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