Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Mom said you looked used
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
