did you get engaged???
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
