now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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