1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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