So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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