Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
