wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
