My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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