Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
