They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
