Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You can't motorboat a personality
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
