shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
