I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
