get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
