I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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