Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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