omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
