Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
