I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
