6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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