I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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