So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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