he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
